About

 When I started working out, I felt like the only thing I should be doing was cardio, crunches and eating kale; I was miserable! Anytime I sought help, everything was advertised to change myself “lose weight, get a bikini body, new you, mommy makeover, cellulite blasting challenge!” It was always about changing my body. The insecure body I just wanted to stop thinking about. Most of the time I made it to the gym was because I knew I needed space. It was the days I was losing my mind with the kids or I was working super hard studying I knew I needed it. Exercise for me was about my mental health. I felt strong, powerful when I lifted weights. I felt like I could fly after a solid sweat session of slamming weighted balls and jump roping. It was a release when I needed it. But in the beginning stages, I was so unsure. 

I wanted someone to help me understand how to take care of myself, how to lift weights, help me “stick to it”. Help me not feel like an ahole walking around the weights no clue what I was doing. Even outside of the gym! I had no idea how to cook. When I disliked the “healthy foods” I tried, I always felt guilty and ashamed. It was a constant state of “I want to be and look like someone else but I can’t stick to that or eat that”. I didn’t even know what I wanted to look like; it just wasn’t what I saw in the mirror; it was never enough.

Even if we have good intentions, its damaging to wish we were always something else, improved, better. Goals are beautiful when we also allow ourselves to have love for ourselves right here, right now. That’s the real throat punch! Realizing you have to actually like yourself to make it all work! “Isn’t it enough I’m doing the exercise and eating the kale?” (thats the difference in living and surviving) Living in the future or past is the ultimate destruction over and over again. Almost 4 decades on this earth and I am finally learning to take care of myself. When I let go of expectations, (that picture perfect) I gained freedom. I felt less angry, pressure and stress. I started showing up.

When we are in the present we can’t worry about the future and we can’t regret the past. We are here in the moment. This adapted mantra changed my life completely. Its where “Hawk’s Eye View” was born. It was built from my ability to adapt & rise to the constant battle around me. It’s a guide in the middle of the sh*tstorm.” By the way, I saw a stegosaurus in the clouds 🙂